if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
