You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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