I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
