why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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