you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
