call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
