no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I smell like Dick and happiness
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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