I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
