it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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