Why are handjobs necessary in class?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
