In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
