I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
