Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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