I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
