No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
