It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
