Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
