goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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