is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
