Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
