youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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