i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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