Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
