I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
