$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
