Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
