eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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