your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
