Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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