I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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