I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
