The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
