I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
