She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
