1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
