My nipple is on Facebook.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
