I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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