it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
