i jhust puked up my retainher.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
