At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
