I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
