Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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