I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
