I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
