I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
