the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
