Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
