He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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