What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
