I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
