Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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