Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
