This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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