The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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